Today I find myself tired.
I know that part of it is because I failed to achieve an adequate amount of sleep last night. Another part is the fact that I’m still sick and my body’s not wanting to get better yet. That would explain why I fell asleep in my chair at 8:30. But the other part is emotional. I’m sure this has been fed in part by sickness and sleep deprivation, but the mood swings came back with a vengeance today. The first was this morning when I went from feeling like crud to feeling rather stellar. The second was around 1, when I went from stellar to crud. The third was gradual, where I transitioned from crud to decent between 1 and 7. The fourth was sudden and violent, where I went from good to extra cruddy in the time it took me to walk 100 yards from the student center back to my dorm.
I wonder if it was just an “endorphin crash” from laughing at AFV videos.
Fortunately we don’t have classes tomorrow. Unfortunately (and fortunately at the same time) this means I need to spend the day working to catch up on hours from missing work all last week due to sickness. Fortunately, the security camera project was put on hiatus for now, so I have more time to focus on other projects that need to be done. I also picked up an extra shift in the Cafeteria on Saturday. More boring stuff that nobody cares about, blah blah blah. I’m just looking forward to getting out of town Saturday night to see a friend that I haven’t seen since September.
Speaking of stuff that nobody cares about, somebody (either my RA or the RD) came up with the bright idea last week to “spread encouragement” across the dorm floor. How was this idea implemented, you ask? Why, only the best way possible: putting envelopes with people’s names on them on a table in the middle of the hall, and asking us to write “encouraging notes” to people and then put those notes in the envelopes. Nothing shows how closed off social groups can become quite like walking past the table to see certain envelopes being stuffed full of notes while others remain seemingly empty. Tonight we were told to take our envelopes and read the notes people had written us. Maybe it’s just the cruddy mood talking, but I took mine outside and burned it after taking only a quick glance inside.
I don’t care what someone else wants me to think they think about me.
I’m exhausted tonight and all I want to do is sleep. I wish I could sleep all weekend, but I know that’s just not in my current realm of probabilities. I have four papers, an exposition over Romans 12, a few tests, and another presentation coming up, and I have to get going on them. I just got done writing an essay for the RD in which I was supposed to talk about why it’s important for me to not skip floor devos, but rather discussed why the institution of mandatory attendance of floor devotions is fundamentally flawed and why I chose instead to be absent. I’m not going to waste my time writing some fluffy essay to please someone in a position of authority at this college. Maybe I’ve become too bold, or maybe I’ve stopped caring. Whichever it is, it rears its ugly head on nights like this.
Yet God loved a sinner like me so much that He sent Christ to cover my sins anyway. Tonight, that is the only thing getting me by.