I’ve been back on campus for a week (well, since last Tuesday), but it only feels like it’s been a couple of days. I’m not sure if this is because I’ve been simultaneously tired and busy, but I’m certain that both have definitely contributed. I’m sure depression is playing a factor per usual, but with as tired as I am it’s difficult to gauge the extent to which it is involved in my current state of being. Fortunately, working in I.T. is keeping me occupied enough that I’m not just sitting around swimming in an ocean of what-if. Plus, classes are starting Thursday. That’ll give me something to keep my mind occupied.
I find it ironic that I was originally slated to come back early to help with Student Council activities and ended up not being involved in any so far, save helping a few new students move in last Saturday. But if I have to be honest, I’d rather be working anyway. Aside from the financial motivation to work, I find myself inexplicably uninterested in student council. I didn’t initially want to be in it last year, but the idea grew on me over the summer. Now I’m feeling kinda so-so about it. I’m not going to state my reasons for that quite yet.
I can’t really express how nice it is to be back in my own room again. The privacy of being able to close the door completely is something that I missed over the last three months. The room I was in for the latter half of the summer did offer privacy, but being able to lock the door means I can sit and think without someone barging in on me. There’s also a sense of familiarity and comfort to this room that’s difficult to think of coping through my last on-campus year of undergraduate study without.
Still, I’ve already found myself getting away from campus when I can. Last week I revisited some old rooftops. Over the weekend I drove an hour to visit a friend, then visited another friend before I returned to campus the next day. This week I’ve already gotten in a round of frisbee golf. This weekend I’ll be out of town as well. Still, intermittently I’ll just drive around for ten minutes or so before returning to campus. I guess I’m just not much for sitting on campus right now.
I’ve been itching for rooftops recently. I think I spoiled myself a little bit when I left home early to explore some different cities. Moberly has rooftops, but they don’t have the rooftops I’m looking for. Of course, there goes that natural human tendency to want more. Once you’ve experienced the view from atop a ten story building, two stories feels like a children’s playground. More and more, each time I come back, Moberly feels like a necropolis. The “magic city” certainly is magical, if you consider its ability to suck the life out of a person.
It’s 12:49. Why am I still awake.